As you may have noticed, in the fourth quarter of last year my posts on this blog were few and far between. I wish I had a good excuse, but I don’t. Life just got busy. I was often traveling for work (London, Indiana, Virginia and good old Minot, North Dakota) with much of my time spent on planes and in hotels. As a result, I was not able to line up “adventures” the way I have in the past. I felt really bad about that. Guilty even. I missed writing, and was worried you all were wondering where I was. Thanks for your concerned comments by the way, I am still alive.
These thoughts were marinating in my mind when I was asked to sit on an advertising industry panel of women talking about finding work-life balance. My first thought was, did they mean to call me? I don’t always feel I successfully find that balance. I was, however, extremely honored to be asked. So I enthusiastically agreed…despite the fact that I was supposed to be on a stay-caction that week. No, the irony is not lost on me.
The panel was moderated by the amazing Micho Spring, who I have admired for many years. She served as a role model from afar when I was navigating the move from journalism to PR and from New York to Boston. With a panel full of successful women (again, I was so honored to be among them), naturally, the conversation turned to how to balance work with the demands of a family. I was determined to validate that for those of us who do not yet have children, finding that precious work-life balance is no less important. While I do not yet have to care for children, I do have to care for myself…my mental health, my emotional health and my physical health. We all do, no matter if we are single, married, mothers or grandmothers.
Now, women finding balance is talked and written about extensively, I mean a lot. I’m not so naïve to think I’m going unearth the solution in this post, nor am I delusional to think my thoughts on the topic are ground-breaking. But what’s a blog for if not one’s ruminations on topics of the day. So here I go.
Finding a balanced life, and the desire to “have it all” is not just an issue for certain women. I would argue it’s an issue for all women.
How do we—regardless of our marital or parental status, and regardless of whether the important work we do is inside or outside the home—find the semblance of balance when it seems almost in our nature to compromise ourselves and to tear each other down? How and when do we wave a white flag and take care of ourselves with a myriad of obligations pulling us in what can seem to be a thousand different directions? And if you are like me, you wrestle with the fear of letting others down, even if it means sacrificing yourself. I don’t think my experience is unique to any one demographic of women, I think most women grapple with the same concerns, and we seem to have little empathy for each other.
I wonder if we, as women, were a little easier on ourselves…and each other (I have seen those mommy pages on Facebook, we are hyper-critical, and at times, downright mean)…if that would make attaining a balance, or at least more accepting of trying to find a balance, easier.
I felt true camaraderie on that panel. Here was a collection of women from different walks of life (two single ladies, a single mother, a married mother, a married stepmother and a grandmother) exploring and discussing how to find that elusive work-life balance in whatever form it takes for each of us. I wonder if women could be more supportive of each other, less mean-girlish, if that would help us all get closer to finding that balance and be more accepting of our—and each other’s—attempts to get there?
If we stopped judging ourselves so harshly, and didn’t feel so judged by others…would it feel more attainable to have it all, or to admit that it may not be possible for us to have it all, at least not all the time. What if it didn’t feel as if there was a “right” way to live, work, mother, fill in the blank…and instead there were just different ways to do all of the above…and more…all at the same time…while still looking great? Would we feel better about ourselves and each other?
You may still be wondering, like I was, why I was asked to be on the panel? Well, when the colleague who asked me explained why she thought of me, it was partially because of this blog; the fact that I carve out time (of varying amounts) to devote to this venture that is wholly unrelated to work and wholly about me. That, in some ways, represents a balance I strike in my life. It’s a priority. It’s certainly not as demanding as a child, but it is something I devote time and energy to. So I guess each post I write, no matter if I miss a week or two, represents a commitment…to myself and to finding that elusive balance.
I hope my thoughts above can spark a constructive conversation, I’d love to hear your thoughts.
I’m so glad that you touched on the fact that everyone needs work/life balance. In my last two jobs, I would sometimes get comments from people saying that it’s okay for someone like me (aka childless) to work longer hours because I don’t have to run home and care for children. Like you said, everyone needs this. I am often very guilty of staying at work until 6, 6:30, sometimes even 7 PM. Not to mention the amount of time I spend checking my work email when I’m at home. I may not have any children, but I still have myself, my husband, a puppy – heck, even laundry & housework that needs to be done!
One of my personal goals for 2015 is to have more of a work/life balance, even if it is wrapping up at 5 PM just so I can go home and watch season 2 of “Orange is the New Black” on Netflix. We all need that time to breathe and reboot, which hopefully will make us more effective when we return to work the next day. I think you’re totally on point, and I’m jealous of your panel – that sounds like it would have been a great conversation to be a part of!
Thanks Lindsay, you are so right, we all need to take time for ourselves!